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Monday, January 4, 2016

Why didn't you tell me?!

And so it begins...

I can't tell you what we were watching cause when he asked me the question I became immediately uncomfortable and thought to myself  (what does it matter!). 
He knows I used to be a model and most people who know me know that before I got married, then pregnant shortly after at the age of 21, (yes in that order) I had a modeling contract in Beverly Hills, CA. 
So he asks the question... "did you ever do runway?"
I had wanted to be a model, I think from the moment I was born. Ok so I unwillingly answered...
"Only once because I wasn't tall enough for runway. I mostly did print and once I was one of those window models who posed and didn't move."
His reaction? "Really?! Why didn't you tell me?! That's cool!"
Me: "Because that was a long time ago. I feel like because I'm not a model now it doesn't really matter."
Him: "Of course it matters. It's a part of your life experiences and the things you can say you've done."
Me: (I feel like crying) I mean what am I supposed to say? 
Yah, you have the leftovers of what I once was... Beautiful and thin! Am I supposed to say that I feel like a failure because I didn't follow through? I made a decision to be a completely committed mother to my son the moment I found out I was pregnant. I didn't care that they wanted to sue me, I didn't care that I turned down a Pepsi commercial. 
What am I supposed to say? 
I still feel like a model everyday only I don't have to worry about being skinny anymore? My family tells me I'm not that model anymore and they make fun of me when I joke about wearing sunglasses at night because the paparazzi might catch me. I joke alot and make people laugh,... but secretly? I wish I was a model living the model life everyday and the guilt that follows becomes intense followed by anxiety. 
You see...., I was told I could never have children and that's where my mindset was. My grandma said she was sad that I would never have children right before she passed away. How could I be selfish and take on this career that does not cater to new mothers when you are a beginning model? I chose my son, and I have no regrets. I choose him everyday, before anyone. I still in my heart feel like a model. I may not be thin but I have an essence and energy about me. I love the arts, and fashion. If anyone knew what I've been through as a single mom for so many years, they would call me a role model to see how far I've come...
I'm currently substitute teaching and I'm working on my teaching credential in special education. I love being a substitute because I have more freedom to be available to my son and family. 
BACK TO THE BEGINNING: We've been together for 3 years now and I have been such a tough shell to crack. He is still finding things out about me. His favorite part? He didn't know I knew how to cook. hahaha. 
So finally,... what did I do? Change the subject....
A LITTLE BACKGROUND INFO: YOU READY??
I was a little girl living in a trailer park with my mom who was a single mother. Life was far from perfect, let alone even comfortable. I thought being a model was my ticket out. I was finally going to be free and I could help my mom out of this hole we were in. I was on a mission and I guess I still am to make up for the life she couldn't have because she had us... 2 little girls... and a man who loved his girls but wasn't strong enough to be around and do the hard work.... Thinking of what I've been through hurts like a bitch.. My son will only know my story when he is older. For now, I'm his tough mom from Compton who always has his back and provides him with everything he wants and needs. I thank God that he has a step-dad whom he loves and respects as well as a relationship with his father. He has a great life and I have worked my ass off to make it possible.....


This is now me... 10 years later... imperfectly, perfect me...

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Day after Christmas Sale PART 2

Day after Christmas Sale Part 2!!
Please keep in mind that I didn't post all pictures because it will spoil the surprise for next year. I can't believe I did so well! I got Christmas wasted hahaha! I think I was high on Peppermint hahaha! Before I would walk in the store I would tell my boyfriend, "the sales better be so good they offend me. mmm." haha! He was smiling the whole day from ear to ear watching me go crazy haha. Did I mention this is the first year I have done the whole Day after Christmas Sale thing?! 

This was how we decorated around the fire place. :) 


You read that right honey. Some of the gift bags I got were about .34 cents. (No Joke). Those $10 stockings? I got them for under $3 ! I went c-c-c-c-crazy lol


I never thought the dollar store would have a sale! I mean why would they? Everything is already a dollar! I can't show the stocking stuffer/odds and ends gifts for next year but I got each item for .50 cents! My boyfriend and I are currently attending college so we're on a budget, but honestly budget or not this is a great way to save and spend. Maybe going to church has made me more humble? 


My boyfriend was looking for certain items and I really thought I was going to hope he would hurry so I could continue my shopping craze but then there it was... An entire rack of Christmas items! 60% off? Most of my items were $1 ! Ay chihuahua!


I didn't do as well at Walmart but it was late and it looked like I was beat to the finish line because there wasn't much left. The gift sets above were only $1.75. Holy Moly! These gifts will be for the mailman, the men who pick up our trash, my son's hair dresser, etc., etc. :D


I looked everywhere for a nativity set. The ones that were left were not my style. :/ This one shown above was the one from the thrift store! It is a glass nativity set and it goes perfect with our crystal cross! 

A FEW TIPS FOR SHOPPING THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS-

1. HAVE IN MIND WHAT YOU NEED! DON'T BUY WHAT YOU DON'T NEED!

2. MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU NEED IF THE SALE IS GOOD ENOUGH TO OFFEND YOU! EX: POTS AND PANS OR THAT NAME BRAND PURSE YOU CAN ONLY SPLURGE ON ONCE A YEAR. 

3. SOME OF THE ITEMS I BOUGHT WERE EVEN CHEAPER WHEN I CHECKED THE PRICE. ITEMS DON'T ALWAYS GET MARKED PROPERLY!

4. ADD YOUR TIP HERE!............ WHAT ADVICE CAN YOU ADD TO THIS LIST! I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW! 

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Day after Christmas sale part 1!

So... Since I've been M.I.A. since my son's surgery, it's given me time to think. I love blogging dammit. I don't do it for the money (haha excuse me while I die of laughter thinking you can get paid for just writing your thoughts). This is my hobby, my therapy, my way out. Anyway I'll leave this for a later post. Now to the important part. DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS SALE! I know I did it right because I can't walk today my feet hurt so bad. I'm going to detail where I got, and what I got that had me Christmas Wasted! Haha! Yes I said Christmas Wasted! I felt high on peppermint! Omg I'm laughing so hard. I have taken more time than ever to concentrate my energy in thanking god that my son is alive and well and I get to enjoy these things with him while he smiles and laughs and says, "oh mom". Anyway, I literally bought gifts and gift bags for next year! 12 months early! Who does that?! Oh yah, me... I want to be organized and clear so this is just a heads up that I'm getting back into sharing. I love blogging and this new year means a new me. I will concentrate on me and my family this year. If you're reading this stay tuned for some realness headed your way. I don't plan to hold back this time. Did I mention my boyfriend and I are still college students on a budget? My ultimate goal is to be a Special needs teacher and I'm currently in the credential program. (Also leaving this for another post). SSSSOOOOOOOOOOO...... DID YOU SHOP THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS?

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Heart Surgery Update!

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          Oh boy.. Where do I start... I broke down in the hospital as they took him away and popped a little blood vessel in my eyeball. I knew that if they didn't take him fast enough I would break down into a million pieces.
There was a split second after I said goodbye to him that I changed my mind. I wanted to yell...
"Please don't take him! I've changed my mind! I want him back and you can't have him!"...
But instead I ran...
As soon as the door shut behind me I could hear myself screaming from far away...
 (Thoughts inside my head- What if his heart stops? This will be all my fault for fighting as hard as I did. Why am I being so selfish? Other parents go through worse! What if he'll hate me for putting him through this? He's missing school and he'll fall behind. This is going to affect him emotionally, I just know it. Why did I ask his dad to come? I've been doing this alone for years! I'm doing it for my son. My son needs his father to be here. He SHOULD be here. He SHOULD be going through this with me. I know... I'll buy my baby a giraffe from the gift shop)...
GIRAFFE?? .... Yes giraffe!
The pediatric area of the hospital has a "giraffe elevator" and I teased my son about it when I saw it. I told him they found out he is the tallest kid in his grade so they built an elevator tall enough for a giraffe so he would fit haha. Everyone laughed.. (I forbid anyone from coming that couldn't control their emotions so I made sure to make everything funny and talk about our plans after the surgery).
This was taken right before the surgery... They brought him an xbox so he wouldn't be bored. 
Can we say awesome sauce?!

Boy was he grumpy after the procedure... No visitors please! 
It only lasted about 30 minutes..

Here's my happy boy! Lets go home mom!

OMG THANK YOU GOD WE'RE HOME
So of course his bff furbaby (Hercules pom/chihuahua mix) had to suffer being away from his best friend because he could accidentally open his incisions. I was so grateful that no one was calling my phone and they were giving me space. The house was quiet and he had to lay flat. We did this for about a week including giving him Motrin and having followup appointments. Of course this entire time I didn't sleep. I needed to get up every 20 minutes because he needed something... even throughout the night. I figured it was like having a baby again and getting up every 2 hours so I just sucked it up and did it with a smile. Everything was finally OK. We were going to be OK. He was starting to have more energy and walking a lot more. I really thought we were finally in the clear. Then....

OMG PLEASE NOT AGAIN.. GOD PLEASE...

Do you see the giraffe?



My Baby- "Mom..." (as he comes in the kitchen clutching his chest)
ME- "omg. Whats wrong"
My Baby- "My heart.... it hurts I cant breathe..."
ME- "ok I'm calling 911 lay down and stay calm so your body can help your heart, slow breathes baby"
ME- (omg not again. I thought this was over. I will have their heads if something went wrong!)
Everything went so fast. We ended up in the ambulance being transferred from the palm springs area all the way to Loma Linda Hospital. The local hospital was too scared to see him, they thought it was best to take him back where the doctors knew his situation.
At the hospital I was angry and I wasn't leaving without answers. They ran every test they could before finally coming to the conclusion that his heart was perfectly healthy now and it was just the nerves that were irritated and his muscles were strained because they had to travel to his heart touching things on the way and stressing the muscles of the heart.
(I knew exactly what to do... mom to the rescue.)....
In the car on the way back home..
Someone was exhausted...
Giraffe is still his comfort buddy..


When I got home with him I gave him 500mg of Magnesium Citrate to relax his nerve endings and 200mg of L-Theanine to relax his mind and body so he wouldn't have anxiety. Did this work? YES! When it comes to my baby I follow my motherly instincts. He has not been able to participate in recess yet or vigorous activities but he is stronger everyday. When I asked him how he feels now he said,
" .... I really feel the blood flowing through my heart and I don't run out of breathe anymore when I try to walk fast. I feel like I have a brand new heart. I feel like I can do anything now. I can even take really deep breathes now."
ME AGAIN: Thank god and the prayers from everyone who knew what was going on....

Stay tuned for next weeks blog showing how he's currently doing! :D 
Life is full of ups and downs.. What matters most is how you handle it..
Take life by the bull horns! It's YOUR life! Take charge!


Monday, June 8, 2015

From where I stand: Before the surgery..

          Is it normal that I'm angry? Is it normal that I feel like I'm dieing inside? When the doctor said "ok then it's a done deal" why did I feel like my legs went out from under me? I thought I prepared myself for this? Here I am asking my mom in spanish to hold me because I'm about to pass out. I told her in spanish to stay calm and not look obvious because I didn't want to scare my son. Inside of me my whole world is falling apart and I'm screaming but I have to look at my perfect boy with a smile and tell him everything  is going to be ok. 
          "How are you feeling baby? SON: "a little nervous but I feel better after talking to the doctor. ME: "So you're feeling confident? Cause I want you to feel confident". SON: "yah mom I'm ok. I just want to know when it's going to happen so I can let my teacher and tae-kwon-do teacher know". 
ME: "I will take care of everything. I don't want you to be worried about anything. I love you son....". 
My Inner most personal feelings:
I just want to run...
Let's run as fast as we can and this problem won't catch us...
Can we please?
If we beg really hard, do you think we can do it?
Am I the most selfish mother on the planet for wanting my child to be as perfect as possible when I know other parents go through so much worse?
Is this why I binge ate yesterday? To punish myself for the things I feel? I lost 25 lbs and now I will go backwards because I am an emotional eater who stuffs feelings with food so the feelings don't have room to come up to the surface.....

          When he has an episode and has a heart arrhythmia I watch him helplessly. I beg god not to let his heart stop, not to let him die on me, not to let him be the youngest kid in America who has a heart attack. I don't let him feel sorry for himself. I teach him to push through things because life is tough and if you fall apart you accomplish nothing. I hold high expectations for him, I stress the need for the best grades and being a great citizen and not bullying and helping someone who is being bullied at the cost of losing friends because it's more important to be a good person.....
          He told me how he defended someone who was being bullied and how angry he felt because he is such a happy person. I've told him how his father changed a boys life in high school because he defended him.. 
         And here we are the next day, trying to schedule his heart procedure? How is this fair? Where's the balance? Here I go being selfish again. I think? I gave everything up in my life to be the mom he needed and be the best mom I could be including reading books and doing research on exactly how to do this because I've had a rough upbringing and all I know is that it has to be opposite of what I had and what I went through. I said goodbye to my Hollywood dreams without thinking twice. I live vicariously through maria menounos and giuliana rancic because I know that it could have been me. My son has given me a joy and sense of passion and strength I never knew I had inside of me. We have this bond so deep that I can't relate to people who hurt their children. I can't wrap my head around people who put themselves before their kids. (I get in trouble alot for putting my needs on the back burner constantly. I'm told it's ok to do things for myself once in a while. I would include this blog as something that is all me and makes me happy. If I inspire one person then it's all worth it....).
He has this entire month off and I know I wont have a minute to myself to cry it out. Every minute I feel like I'm going to burst into tears.. I cant talk to anyone on the phone because I dont want him to hear me talking about it. So I'm texting instead.. I took him out to one of our favorite restaurants and out for icecream to distract his mind a little. It was our family date day. I have always had faith in god even in the darkest times and this is a true test. I feel like I have had the oxygen taken right out of my lungs and a permanent knot in my throat. Thank You for reading... Im putting my heart and feelings out there to the world... -Divapinks-


This is us right before the appointment in the waiting room. 


His favorite.. Vanilla Bean Frapp. from Starbucks. Trying to spoil him a little.. :)


Icecream makes everything better lol.. 


This is what they gave me at the Heart Institute.. This is what he's having done.
There is a ton to read, its a pretty lengthy little booklet. It answers a ton of questions.


There is a 98% chance that if all goes well he will never have
heart problems again in his life. We have no family history of 
heart disease or trouble. 


If you've gotten this far I just want to say thank you to everyone 
being supportive and showing us so much love. I love you all and if 
I say this out loud I will cry and who knows when I will stop. Again, thank you for well wishes and prayers being sent our way... I will update again when he comes out of the procedure and we've made it home..

Friday, May 22, 2015

My weekend. .


Where do I start really? Ok well its the weekend of my little sisters 18th birthday party and I'll share with you some of the pics I took this weekend. I was as sick as a dog this weekend and I realized I was sick last year almost to the day with the same exact thing (whats up with that?). Anyway it's Monday and I'm still sick but what can I do. I already went to the doctor so all I can do is take the meds and rest. (Yah right, Im working later for a couple of hours :/ Ok so here are the pics! Enjoy!



Of Course you can always count on the wind 
in our city to give you a great hair day no matter 
how much time you spent in the bathroom making it look just right...

I thought she hated pink? (But I loooovvveeee pink lol)

My feet couldn't take anymore... :(

No matter how old you are you can count on a mexican 
household to smash your face in your cake for your birthday. Even 
if you ARE turning 18 hahaha.

Best Mexican candy you can ask for! (Well there goes my diet grrrrr.)

Oh yah.. everyone was commenting on my weight loss
and how great I looked so of course I had to sneak in a pic lol.

AAAWWW Happy 18th birthday sister!!
Her cake said "Happy Birthday La Patrona"
(It means Happy Birthday Boss Lady in spanish haha)

Can you tell I look as good as I feel. No matter how
sick we feel, it is mandatory to be there for family even when your
sick... No really, she only turns 18 once and I was there when she was born so 
I had to be there when she turned 18. Overall this was a crazy and fun weekend.
I love my family!
There's the suitcase I bought her lol!! She said "what are you trying to give me a hint?! Hahaha!" 

Monday, March 2, 2015

This time last year... March 2014


          The month of March is a crazy busy time for my entire family. We tremble with anxiety every year with the approach of march. For the rest of the world it's the holidays but for us its march hahaha. So in march we have 6 birthdays and this year we're approaching the dirty thirties which makes it really action packed. This time last year we celebrated my boyfriend and son's birthday at Big Bear, California. It was a 2 for 1/ vacation included 3 for 1 trip haha. Hope that made sense. Anyway, it was the best time we've had so far. I definitely recommend this place to anyone visiting the palm springs area. It's about an hour away I believe,  but totes worth it. 

          All the march babies have to be included in a mass text to figure out who gets which weekend, and this year all the birthdays are evenly spread out enough. 

          I will post a mass blog of all the march birthday activities that happen this month. With everything we have going on, some distraction will be good for our emotional health. 


          Yes I brought my 4 dogs but this was the best pic of my baby and I (Charlotte). My pitbull was in the worst mood because she hates the cold. I had to wrap her in her own thick blanket along with her jacket and doggy blanket. She's quite the diva haha. 


          Omg. I mean really! Omg. You have no idea how afraid of heights I am! I cried like a baby! But I did it! Of course my son has absolutely no fear for adventures haha and said to me, "face your fears mom. C'mon you can do it". He got in ready to fly the thing himself! Haha. This was about 15 minutes from our campsite. 


          She loooooovvvvveeeeesssss the outdoors. When it's not freezing of course because then you'll hear her growl. Can you see how big their smiles are?! :D Oh let's not ignore that sassy pink jacket she's wearing ;D
          My favorite picture... They were so excited, happy, and relaxed.. It was our first time camping and it was quite the experience. Oh and you kknnooooowwwww we had s'mores honeeeeyyy.. 


Ok I was a little car sick... But my hair looked good! :D (cheeeeesssseeee)..


          How beautiful was our campsite... Our neighbors were cordial and nice. TIP: When camping you're sure to forget something. Be kind and share with your neighbors. Bring 2 of everything because you never know. (Omg yes I bought toilet seat covers. And guess what? We needed them! Ha!).

Thanks for Reading! With Love, 
Your Co-Mommy,Divapinks




Saturday, February 21, 2015

Moms don't go to the restroom.... They go on a getaway! !

       
          I know I'm not the first or the last mom to find refuge in the restroom.  It's the one place I can sit with my thoughts and not be interrupted.  Single moms don't even get this luxury.  So I have a solution, (I think anyway haha) why not try to switch things up and have family reading time. Some people do not like to read, however if you find a book that reflects the type of shows you like to watch it can be a great getaway.  Into romance?  Find a romance novel. Sitting with your children while they read allows you to escape into the story into a world far from your own. Option 2- read just before bed. If you're a new mom or have older kids chances are you don't go out much or even get TV time for that matter. Do you have ideas for mommy ME time? Share!
Healthy mom, Healthy baby. 
                                          Love, your Co - mommy,  DivaPinks

What goes on in our mind...

aaaaahhhhhh.... paradise.....

We can dream can't we?.....




Friday, February 20, 2015

#TBT to the Indio Date Festival Feb.13

          What an awesome tradition we have if I do say so myself. Every year since I was a kid in a poor neighborhood,  the one thing I knew I could count on was the yearly date festival (the fair!). I love that I continue this tradition with my son. He's an only child so although he didn't have anyone to get on the rides with this year it didn't phase him too much. He found kids to befriend and make small talk with. This is an amazing place for families and because it only comes around once a year for a week it's even more exciting. Now that we go with my boyfriend of 2 years we have adopted a new tradition and that's the famous oversized, probably not healthy, protein overload, TURKEY LEG! Haha. This is the highlight for my son and boyfriend. I wish I could have vlogged it to show everyone but I'll give you a little appetizer with some pics lol. Because we were there on the first day before 1pm we entered for free. My son's unlimited ride bracelet was $25 and we spent a little less than $120 on the 3 of us for food, including the kettle corn I buy for my mom every year located in the kitty ride section. (She gets excited when we go too lol). If you want to know more about places and events that happen in the Coachella Valley, leave a comment below and let know! Thanks for reading! Your Co-Mommy, DivaPinks
Turkey Leg!! yum yum yum yum yum.

Trying to steal the spotlight lol.
Some girls were being rude so she shooed them 
all away and took a nice picture with my baby ;D
My son representing for Animal Samaritans while trying to stay cool.
(It was warmer than expected even for the desert lol)
Nice face son haha
Is it me or does he not look so sure?I was so scared to let him get 
on here because of his heart but I can't hold him back from living 
life to the fullest. I smiled then turned around almost passing out from fear.
He's such an animal lover! My little cutie patootie... :)