College is ruining my life. Well for now and then it is going to repair it lol.
“Mom.. when are you going to be done with school?”. “Baby, I
will put a countdown for you on the whiteboard but I finish on the last day of
April, like around the 28th”. “ok”. As my son walks away I feel like
I might as well go get the mop from how much he melted my heart. The intense
amount of guilt I feel is horrible but I have more guilt when I cant buy
something he wants because…. Well… lets be honest 90% of college students are
broke -_-. Tuition, books, lack of
sleep, you get the point. Add being a mom on top of this and a (single mom)
college student for years on top of that and you have yourself one big pitty
party Sundae with a cherry on top. Regardless of being a mom, single mom, etc.,
etc., I have lived the last 10 years with my head in the books. I rarely see my
friends, maybe once or twice a year, (yes! Moms need to go out and have fun at
least once a month! This should be a rule!) anyway, along this journey I have
missed going to parties, being available to be anyone's shoulder to cry on, and
most of all I have managed to piss everyone off I know because I take the “if
you’re not paying my rent you don’t have a say so in what I do!” Grrrr approach.
It will all be worth it in four weeks when I can safely say I am done with
school forever! (maybe). I mean seriously! What am I telling my son if I quit??!,
or get bad grades?? Don’t I want him to bust his ass off to make something
great of himself??! I threw fear out the window a long long time ago when I realized
no one could ever hurt me as much as I had already been hurt and the reason I was doing this as a single
mom in the first place. One of these days I will write a book on my life but for
now I need to hurry up and finish so I can go to the park more often with my
son and begin to enjoy the fruits of my labor. (BTW, your kids do not need to
know your broke, I use the “do you know how many kids don’t have half of what
you have?, or “ isn’t better to wait for Christmas to get the things you want at
one time? That’s a lot of gifts to open! And we can donate your old stuff. J”, my favorite? “No I won’t
buy you chips and candy because I want you to be healthy and run fast and feel
good!” :D. O.k. back to college is ruining my life. Bottom line is I can let my
complaining lead me to the unemployment, or food stamp office or I can complain
as much as I want but GET THE WORK DONE, and be able to live a comfortable
life. There is always a fork in the road and we have to do the best with the
road we choose but it is possible to cut across and try the other road. Yes you
won’t be on comfortable flat pavement but the struggle through the terrain will
give you the muscles necessary to successfully get to and through the other
road.
(I rent used! Haha never new! Haha).
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